An observed conversation:

Supervisor: Time sheet blah blah

Worker: I can print that [opens program]

Supervisor: How was your weekend [yawns] ?

Worker: My friend broke his neck . . .has to have the same surgery Christopher Reeve had

Supervisor: [pointing] Click there to print

Worker: ok

Supervisor: Well, that's too bad [walks away]

The problem with not having a break room:

It's sad to see people huddled over a box of take out food slurping down lunch while they steal a glance at the internet or, even worse, legitimate work.

A friend relayed this bit from his journal to me. He works in the accounts receivable department at some corporate schlock house:

There were two-month layoffs a while ago. I [my friend] was hoping to be included. It would at least have been something different. But apparently I'm too "vaulable" [sic]. I'm not really valuable - I just do my job. Maybe they thought I would kill myself.

I can't say the thought hasn't crossed my mind.

Observed habits of one co-worker

Seen frequently in the men's restroom:

Why do men so often wait in a small restroom to use a urinal? Personally, I've never had to urinate that badly outside of a bar, let alone an office.

Determined by inaccurate and subjective research:

Q - The most difficult device to operate in an office?
A - A paper towel holder

Noted as overused in general business conversation:

"Touch Base"
The term is rarely used in baseball. I hate hearing it from people who don't even understand sports. Even more-so from ultra-sports fanatics. If you're reading this, please put the phrase to rest.

While in a health-insurance renewal meeting:

None of the choices presented make sense or are good, despite the insurance representative assuring everyone that the opposite is true. According to them, it's a good thing that coverages are less and premiums are higher because we will be able to take a more active role in our health care management.


Everyone, young or old, is confused and scared in this meeting.

Concerning calendars:

Occasionally I will schedule on a future random date, "fight off boredom".

I am rarely able to do so, and must dismiss the notice.

A thought about company rating systems and employee satisfaction:

If you work for the world's best, industry recognized, most awarded waste stacking company, but you don't enjoy stacking waste, you still aren't going to like your job.

A conversation between two older people:

Talking about how things used to be - trying to reassure each other that they're still relevant and that the younger generations have it all wrong.

Regarding the difficulties of an office in the summer:

The tough part about summer in an office is smelling guys coming back in from the heat after lunch. Perhaps some showers or a bucket of deodorant would help keep the primal animal stench down.

A true story involving cookies and a video conference (as told in the first person):

I was pulled into a video-conference with international clients. After lunch. My lunch did not come with cookies, but this video-conference did. A whole plate of them.

So close

I can't get up and grab one. I'll look like a slob, not only to the bosses in my office, but to our international clients. So far I see little value in this video-conferencing non-sense.

After serving my time, I'm dismissed. An agonizing cookie-less hour passes and the meeting breaks up. Finally. I wait a minute the sneak back into the conference room for my cookie.

[and here's where the recounting takes on a weird science-fiction/fantasy twist]

It was rumored that though Sam was only a ring bearer for a short time he still sailed to the land of the Westernese late in his life. But I will tell you this. I ate that cookie. It was not a rumor.

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