Christmas is Over!

It's the new year and I don't feel like working. While killing a morning, cleaning out my inbox, I find this gem from last month. With less than 48 hours notice I was invited to my boss' Christmas party – by his secretary. Ugh.

What? No one RSVP'd so you're inviting the whole office?

Spare Me

Top two conversations I've heard well too many times in the office? What someone would to if they won the lottery and discussions about “funny” commercials.

Why do I have to Work on the Fifteenth Floor?

On the elevator one guy makes a lame joke. Tired, I make a terrible, equally lame response. The other guy generates fake office laughter while I wait for the fucking door to open.

ha ha

A powerpoint presentation starts with a Dilbert or Farside cartoon? Take it as a clue that the next forty-five minutes of your life will be a boring waste.

Bakeries and Coworker Love

While I was buying donuts another lady was ordering a THIN sheet cake, maybe eight inches by twelve inches. The lady wanted “CONGRATULATIONS CFO OF THE YEAR.” Or just congrats, if all that won't fit. Sounds like a real swinging party to me.

Tom Cruise and Middle Management

I read somewhere that Tom Cruise is left handed, or Canadian, or something. Some little blurb to reassure a child that they're not alone in their differences. Like, hey don't worry kid, that other guy made out just fine. You can be a movie star too.

But none of that matters. You're not going to be a movie star, only movie stars are movie stars. The best most everyone can hope for is a rise to middle management.


It was about 12:30 when I suspected I might not have put on deodorant that day.

[shakes head]

The asscrack of the annoying fat guy, the loud talking secretary, the shitty workstation, the constant uninspiring pointless work, and then came the Darth Vader sound clips. It was all I could take that day.

Gainfully Employed

There's been a major slowdown in my department of late. My cohorts and I have found ourselves outsourced, typically doing menial jobs. While complaining to one of the mucky-mucks, I was told, “Be happy you're gainfully employed.” That doesn't make anyone feel good.

Sympathy for the Competition

Some of our competitors are laying people off, and it's talked about by the higher ups like it's a good thing. It sounds doubly bad for me. I'd like to get the hell out of this place, and if my other options are laying people off, doesn't sound like I'm moving on anytime soon.

And if my other options are laying people off, how long will it be until my place is?


I'm unemployed. Formerly I was employed, but 'un' has changed that. The meaning of un was relayed to me by my former boss. He said that when un was placed before 'employed', it meant that I had to pack up my belongings, turn in my ID card, and leave the building. “Oh,” I said.

<.p> In this case 'oh' signified shock on my part. Whereas, before the oh, I was content, happily pecking away at my keyboard, and ignorant of un.

This year for Halloween the whole family dressed up as Financial Crisis. I went as the out of work dad, my wife as the over-burdened sole-income earner, and my daughter as the hungry baby.

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